While researching this story, I was aroused at times, and at times repulsed, which made me more empathetic toward the unusual desires of others. Why is it right for us to like what we like, and pass judgement on what others are into?
The local newspapers love publishing sensationalist articles that contrarily denounce sexual deviance. By “sexual deviance”, I mean anything that strays too much from a two-person heterosexual couple of similar age performing penetrative coitus in the privacy of their BTO flat, sans any special apparatus or dress-up, until the man reaches orgasm (and if the woman were to be so lucky, her too).
What’s wrong with this picture? Everything. How many individuals would admit that they maintain their long-term relationships by stepping outside of the aforementioned cut-and-dry description? As American television gradually normalises explicit sexual behaviour, the ‘deviants’ of Singapore have found the courage to step out of their closets one by one and band together, forming online tribes that give their unique carnal inclinations healthy avenues of catharsis.
Is cloud-connected liberalism a solution to the repression of sexual outliers, or would we be sugar-coating an aberration?
HIT EM UP
Barry (not his real name) giggles a little when telling me about how he blew the money he was saving for his wedding on a bondage mistress.
I laugh along but I can’t help but feel sad for his unknowing and deeply religious wife-to-be. He had blown upwards of SGD500 for a session with a lady named Kountess Von Kink. Besides flogging poor Barry, she had suspended him upside down, forced him to consume his own bodily excretions, physically punished his genitalia and shoved various objects up his back door.
An intrepid experimenter, the 25-year-old has spoken with fellow customers of the Kountess and has been exploring alternative sexual endeavours since puberty. This though was his first S&M experience. He shares that many Singaporean girls currently solicit their bondage services online too, albeit in cheaper and hushed terms.
One bondage mistress whom I contacted shared that she had done triangles with married couples before.
To my surprise, the exorbitant fee charged by the Kountess – who was in Singapore as part of a world tour – does not include actual copulation. Barry enlightens that what he describes as “the best experience in his life” has a strict code of conduct: A professional dominatrix allows no penetration, no exchange of bodily fluids and not even kissing during her timed session, as she tortures her client to non-penetrative orgasm.
In our modern world where purveyors of such peculiar services are flagrant in their visibility and advertisement, is there a platform where most of them congregate? Barry points me to backdoor.com, which has a Singapore sub-page that is similar to Craigslist. Surfing through the absurd requests posted up on the site, I feel like I am paddling through scum with the viscosity of Nickelodeon slime.
“There’s also Locanto,” Barry chimes in. This is how I would get to know Priscilla.
DO FOR LOVE
The late Pope John Paul II famously remarked during his term that our transgressions mostly stem from us looking for love. We commit selfish, greedy, jealous, violent, prideful and covetous deeds because we are afraid to lose out on love. Locanto administers to many of these manifestations.
Originally an online marketplace that has organically degenerated, Locanto has become the one-stop kiosk for Singaporeans to satiate their slew of sexual needs. Among the men looking to fulfil their father-daughter sexual fantasies and the women offering sex with the option of them donning a Muslim headdress for an additional fee, there was Priscilla (not her real name), a different sort of service provider.
At least one panty thief is apprehended in the Nanyang Technological University every year (which is, unfortunately, my alma mater). Priscilla provides a solution to this nationwide problem for under SGD10.
Numerous men have written about how they experience a sexual high when sniffing the panties of their partner, family member or a complete stranger. Priscilla buys nice undies for zilch and places them on Locanto. Her method of shipping is even juicier.
Men of all ages and demographics drop her private messages on Locanto. After the payment is wired to her account, she instructs the buyer to meet her at a stipulated pickup point near his home. Priscilla then drops off a parcel with the soiled knickers under a bench or in a trash can – basically, anywhere that won’t be investigated by a passerby or public cleaner. She then exits the public space, assumes a vantage point and instructs the buyer via the Locanto app where he can retrieve his prize.
Priscilla’s unusual way of paying her tuition fees is intriguing, to say the least. However, these leads would bring me to meet an even more daring sexual interest group.
ALL EYEZ ON ME
Among the websites that this article has led you to Google so far, this one is by far the most NSFW: sexventures-of-dart.tumblr.com [Ed: To emphasise Mr Frois’s point: This is really NSFW: Sexual conservatives and gentle readers, you have been duly warned].
“It’s our blog where we express our kinks and exploration,” divulges 35-year-old Engelbert (definitely not his real name). Engelbert is what is commonly termed a “stag”. His girlfriend, whom he loans out to other men, is termed a “vixen”.
“We love to show off, so we openly share our partners with other men, and enjoy watching and sometimes participating.”
“What I enjoy most about exhibitionism? It’s gotta be the adrenaline rush for fear of being spotted. Adrenaline, coupled with lust, makes for a powerful combination, which drives both myself and my current partner into a frenzy. It’s almost like a competition where we dare each other to more outrageous attempts each time.” Engelbert the “exhibitionist” is the learned, chatty type. Well-spoken and forthcoming about his emotions and pleasures, he eloquently elaborates his philosophy.
“My purpose of exploring kinks has always been the pursuit of carnal pleasure, particularly toward the elusive female orgasm that many men fail to achieve, due to the illusions painted by porn, or through inadequate experience and education. So there are only 101 ways you can have vanilla sex before it turns sour or dull, and that typically spells the beginning of the end of any relationship. Physical intimacy and emotional engagement are integral parts of any romantic relationship. One cannot exist without the desire for the other.”
In line with Singapore’s attitude of designating sex as a multiplier of productivity and population, Singapore’s 7 per cent per year divorce rate just might benefit from the openness toward one’s partner’s curiosity and desires that Engelbert and his girlfriend practice. A liberal uploader, Engelbert’s mind is perennially concocting fun new ways of blowing his load, though he shares that he has not tried Feeld, the swingers version of Tinder. He vividly recounts his earliest explorations: “At first, I tried very light BDSM such as tangling the girl’s hands up in her shirt while undressing her, which served as a simple, but effective restraint doubling up as a blindfold. And for some girls, they enjoyed it and that fuelled a desire to explore and discover a whole new dimension of physical intimacy.”
Engelbert and his online community’s handful of members continually post new videos of their escapades on their Tumblr page. Of its driving force, he remarks, “personally, I’ve always preached that we should never inhibit our inner desires, and encourage my partner to explore and be curious.”
ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME
By today’s standards, I’m considered a conservative, but I strongly feel, nonetheless, that depriving others of their harmless carnal yearnings, is an unfair societal regression. By a longshot, I hope my article helps save a few marriages.
Some might opine that an individual should keep such perversions under control or otherwise be punished, but historically, the repressed closets of seeming saints like Gandhi (cavorted ‘non-sexually’ with his female followers), Mozart (wrote a song about his love for anal licking), Einstein (married man who had affairs with his cousin and his secretary) and Hans Christian Andersen (children’s writer who kept a diary about his masturbation sessions) have burst to their great embarrassment.
The aforementioned philosophy of the late Pope was a sharp swerve from the Vatican’s traditional call to self-disciplined repression, toward the idea of addressing the root of desires and motives.
The next time a local tabloid tries to sell itself by emblazoning its headline with a sexual act uncovered, have a look if its story is simply providing disgraceful facts, or if it has included calls-to-action of how we can address the trend and the “perpetrator”. Singaporeans love a good witch hunt, even if our own deep dark pastimes simply manifest differently from the scapegoat, and are better kept out of the light of day.
However, the depth of our society’s surveillance and connectivity means that we are all practically living in glass houses. The Freudian school of thought is a fascinating tool and already had the power 70 years ago to catch Adolf Hitler with his pants down. Psychology has proven on countless occasions that everyone is a ball of yarn – if you find a certain string jutting out, follow it and you just might be able to accurately guess the innermost secrets of the subject’s personality.
During World War II, an American psychology unit was set up to study the psyche of Hitler and pre-empt his actions. Hitler had displayed many distinct signs of Messiah Complex, which the task force attributed to his survival of his life-threatening childhood illness, while many of his siblings had perished.
Psychologists like Carl Jung hypothesise the inner self to always be an exact opposite of one’s external traits, as such, the psychology unit extrapolated that Hitler sought to be dominated in the bedroom, and if he were to be losing the war, he would commit suicide.
After his ally, Mussolini, was executed and he had lost most of Germany and Poland to the Allies and Soviets, Hitler took his own life as the psychologists had predicted, and news of his enjoyment of his partner Eva Braun urinating on him became common knowledge in the decades proceeding the war.
So if your boss is a self-righteous asshole, take comfort in the fact that he just might be getting peed on by his wife at night. However, let’s not throw stones, because if other people wanted to snoop, they might be able to find out what you do in your free time too. Google already has detailed notes on that.
Illustration by Paul Hendricks. See more of his work on Instagram, at https://www.instagram.com/paul_joel_hendricks/